Well, it had to happen sooner or later. Lost one of my guys last night, not to Taliban activity or criminal elements, but to a stupid accident on the Bagram-Kabul road. Mr. Wali Mohammad, son of Haji Malang, was riding his motorcycle home after his shift when he was struck and killed by a US Army Stryker ICV.
A guy on a motorcycle doesn't stand much of a chance when run over by a 22-ton armored vehicle, and Wali Mohammad died early this morning in the hospital.
There are myriad ways to get killed in this country, gunfire, rockets, mortars, IEDs, not to mention cholera, typhus and other assorted ailments. A traffic accident seems somehow too prosaic.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Airport Buddies
Everyone is familiar with the concept of “airport buddies.”* Not only the fellow sojourners one converses with on the plane, but also those people one meets for the briefest of moments in airport waiting rooms, gates and international terminal coffee-shops. A quick, surprisingly-sincere conversation, and then never seen again. The proverbial “ships passing in the night” without the sexual connotations, of course.
*These used to be referred to as “bus buddies” back in the days when people still traveled by bus. Perhaps in some parts of the world they still do, but not anywhere I’d want to go. Greyhound is bad enough; I can only imagine what the buses in a places like Guatemala are like.
Traveling in the West has become a streamlined, sanitized affair of Starbucks lattes, automated people movers and cushy, insulated executive lounges. In places like Afghanistan and the Middle East however, airport travel, even at the high-end airports like Dubai Terminal One,* is still a difficult and Byzantine process.
*As distinct from Dubai Terminal Two, which is a Chekovian nightmare of arbitrary mismanagement and inefficiency.
This results in being thrown together with fellow travelers in bizarre and unpredictable circumstances. Now I’m no “people person” and I take no joy or comfort from interacting with my fellow man, especially when that fellow man speaks only Arabic and smells like a fishmonger with full-body halitosis.
However, as a heavy smoker (heavier since I got here), there is one element of air travel in the Middle East that appeals to me, and it’s something one can’t get in the supposedly more civilized airports of the Western world. I speak here of that vanishing institution, the airport smoking lounge.
As everyone knows, Arabs and other Middle Easterners are the last of the unreformed smokers.* Rare is the Afghan who has never smoked a cigarette. Many smoke as much or more than I do, and that’s a lot.
*Yes, I know, Afghans are not Arabs, but I’m speaking broadly of the entire Middle East, from Islamabad to Casablanca.
Anyway, I had the pleasure of sampling airport smoking lounges in four different cities on my last trip: Kabul, Dubai (Terminals One and Two), Amman and Beirut. This cursory sociological survey has revealed to me two basic truths:
In total, I can conclusively state that smoking lounges in airports make travel much more enjoyable, not only for me and my fellow puffers, but also for those who have to travel with us. Next time you pass the crowd of smokers outside of Heathrow or O’Hare and later bump into surly, hostile travelers with nicotine-stained fingers, remember how much more pleasant the whole experience would be if they could just have a smoke before they board the plane.
*These used to be referred to as “bus buddies” back in the days when people still traveled by bus. Perhaps in some parts of the world they still do, but not anywhere I’d want to go. Greyhound is bad enough; I can only imagine what the buses in a places like Guatemala are like.
Traveling in the West has become a streamlined, sanitized affair of Starbucks lattes, automated people movers and cushy, insulated executive lounges. In places like Afghanistan and the Middle East however, airport travel, even at the high-end airports like Dubai Terminal One,* is still a difficult and Byzantine process.
*As distinct from Dubai Terminal Two, which is a Chekovian nightmare of arbitrary mismanagement and inefficiency.
This results in being thrown together with fellow travelers in bizarre and unpredictable circumstances. Now I’m no “people person” and I take no joy or comfort from interacting with my fellow man, especially when that fellow man speaks only Arabic and smells like a fishmonger with full-body halitosis.
However, as a heavy smoker (heavier since I got here), there is one element of air travel in the Middle East that appeals to me, and it’s something one can’t get in the supposedly more civilized airports of the Western world. I speak here of that vanishing institution, the airport smoking lounge.
As everyone knows, Arabs and other Middle Easterners are the last of the unreformed smokers.* Rare is the Afghan who has never smoked a cigarette. Many smoke as much or more than I do, and that’s a lot.
*Yes, I know, Afghans are not Arabs, but I’m speaking broadly of the entire Middle East, from Islamabad to Casablanca.
Anyway, I had the pleasure of sampling airport smoking lounges in four different cities on my last trip: Kabul, Dubai (Terminals One and Two), Amman and Beirut. This cursory sociological survey has revealed to me two basic truths:
1. Middle Easterners, perhaps because of the volume of their habit, do not consider airport smoking lounges as places to meet fellow travelers. There’s none of the camaraderie of those oppressed by the neo-fascist system that one finds outside pubs in London or restaurants in the States.*No, my first cigarette was not at the bike racks behind my grade school. It was under a pine tree in someone’s backyard on Ruby Street. I was ten.
2. Westerners who travel through these airports, if they are smokers, can’t get enough of the smoking lounge, and indulge their habit copiously with wicked little smiles the whole time, as if they’re remembering their first guilty cigarette at the bike racks behind their grade school.*
In total, I can conclusively state that smoking lounges in airports make travel much more enjoyable, not only for me and my fellow puffers, but also for those who have to travel with us. Next time you pass the crowd of smokers outside of Heathrow or O’Hare and later bump into surly, hostile travelers with nicotine-stained fingers, remember how much more pleasant the whole experience would be if they could just have a smoke before they board the plane.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Censorship
I've just been informed by one of faithful readers* that this blog cannot be accessed in China.
*Reader number five out of eight total, if Google Analytics is reasonably accurate.
While I don't recall writing anything disrespectful of the ChiComs (yet), I'm not surprised that they decided to pre-emptively censor my stuff. No telling when I might veer off course and start bringing up things like this. Probably a smart move on their part, trying to slow the inexorable advance of my quest for world domination.
*Reader number five out of eight total, if Google Analytics is reasonably accurate.
While I don't recall writing anything disrespectful of the ChiComs (yet), I'm not surprised that they decided to pre-emptively censor my stuff. No telling when I might veer off course and start bringing up things like this. Probably a smart move on their part, trying to slow the inexorable advance of my quest for world domination.
Women of Afghanistan, Part One
My recent trip to Beirut, a relatively Westernized place by Middle East standards, has thrown into sharp relief the fundamental differences between Islamic culture and the West. This is the first of a series of posts about some of those differences. Most of the distinctions will seem obvious to even a casual observer. Sort of a Duh! kind of reaction is to be expected, but the important element is not the differences themselves, which everyone is aware of, but the effect they have on living and working in Afghanistan.*
*Much of what follows in this post and others in this series is likely to offend the more politically correct among you. To this, I can only say, get over yourselves. Stop reading if you want to. You’ve been warned.
Women. The feminine element. The other half of the species. A social component nearly totally invisible in Islamic society. Of course, they’re around and occasionally one actually sees a few, but they have few roles outside the traditional familial duties. They’re simply not allowed to participate in public society in any meaningful way. Sure, there are some seats in Parliament legally mandated for women, and those lucky few are on TV constantly talking about women’s rights and female educational opportunities.*
*At least, that’s what I think they’re talking about. It’s all in Dari, so they could be debating counter-insurgency tactics or offering recipes for brownies for all I know.
But most women, the vast majority, live sheltered, confined lives, focused on home and family. This is especially true out in the provinces, where traditional cultural/religious rules apply most strictly. In Kabul, one does see a slightly higher level of female participation and engagement, but nothing near the levels of Western society.
Now, it’s obvious (to me, at least) that marginalizing half of the population is not a recipe for success in difficult situations. Forget about the benefits of a “feminine approach” or the supposed value of gender differences in problem solving. Those probably exist, but I’m not enough of a sociologist to determine how much.
I can, however, do basic math, and if there is a problem that requires a solution, and X number of possible solutions are offered by the male half of the population, wouldn’t it be better to include the other half of the population and have 2X possible solutions. In any situation, doubling the brain power in play is going to decrease the time necessary to solve the problem.
This is especially true in a place like Afghanistan, where the problems are myriad and defy easy solution. One might also consider that Afghan men have been trying to “fix” this place for several hundred years and, with the exception of a few good years in the early-mid 20th century, Afghanistan has been a seething sewer of assbackwardness the whole time. Make no mistake, this place was screwed up long before we got here.*
*And it will probably be screwed up long after we leave, but that’s a discussion for another time.
Now I’m not generally a friend to the multitude of NGOs that are engaged in social engineering in Afghanistan.* Generally speaking, they’re trying to change minds and influence public opinion without any of the traditional Afghan implements of persuasion (i.e. automatic weapons, gasoline and rope), so it’s probably a lost cause. However, they do have a point when they attempt to convince the locals that Afghanistan is underutilizing its collective brain power.
*Unless of course they’re paying me a fat monthly fee for PSDs and armored vehicles, in which case we’re buddies.
A quick glance at some statistics on economic well-being, public health and other similar factors demonstrates that those countries that marginalize their women are generally piss-poor, decrepit shitholes. And a disproportionate number of those countries are predominantly Muslim. Think there’s a connection? You bet your ass there is. Culture matters.
*Much of what follows in this post and others in this series is likely to offend the more politically correct among you. To this, I can only say, get over yourselves. Stop reading if you want to. You’ve been warned.
Women. The feminine element. The other half of the species. A social component nearly totally invisible in Islamic society. Of course, they’re around and occasionally one actually sees a few, but they have few roles outside the traditional familial duties. They’re simply not allowed to participate in public society in any meaningful way. Sure, there are some seats in Parliament legally mandated for women, and those lucky few are on TV constantly talking about women’s rights and female educational opportunities.*
*At least, that’s what I think they’re talking about. It’s all in Dari, so they could be debating counter-insurgency tactics or offering recipes for brownies for all I know.
But most women, the vast majority, live sheltered, confined lives, focused on home and family. This is especially true out in the provinces, where traditional cultural/religious rules apply most strictly. In Kabul, one does see a slightly higher level of female participation and engagement, but nothing near the levels of Western society.
Now, it’s obvious (to me, at least) that marginalizing half of the population is not a recipe for success in difficult situations. Forget about the benefits of a “feminine approach” or the supposed value of gender differences in problem solving. Those probably exist, but I’m not enough of a sociologist to determine how much.
I can, however, do basic math, and if there is a problem that requires a solution, and X number of possible solutions are offered by the male half of the population, wouldn’t it be better to include the other half of the population and have 2X possible solutions. In any situation, doubling the brain power in play is going to decrease the time necessary to solve the problem.
This is especially true in a place like Afghanistan, where the problems are myriad and defy easy solution. One might also consider that Afghan men have been trying to “fix” this place for several hundred years and, with the exception of a few good years in the early-mid 20th century, Afghanistan has been a seething sewer of assbackwardness the whole time. Make no mistake, this place was screwed up long before we got here.*
*And it will probably be screwed up long after we leave, but that’s a discussion for another time.
Now I’m not generally a friend to the multitude of NGOs that are engaged in social engineering in Afghanistan.* Generally speaking, they’re trying to change minds and influence public opinion without any of the traditional Afghan implements of persuasion (i.e. automatic weapons, gasoline and rope), so it’s probably a lost cause. However, they do have a point when they attempt to convince the locals that Afghanistan is underutilizing its collective brain power.
*Unless of course they’re paying me a fat monthly fee for PSDs and armored vehicles, in which case we’re buddies.
A quick glance at some statistics on economic well-being, public health and other similar factors demonstrates that those countries that marginalize their women are generally piss-poor, decrepit shitholes. And a disproportionate number of those countries are predominantly Muslim. Think there’s a connection? You bet your ass there is. Culture matters.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Back to the Suck
Yes, I've been lax about posting lately. Stop your complaining. I'll get around to it. I have a couple of posts nearly finished that should go up in the next couple of days.
On the plus side, I'm just back from a lovely few days in sunny Beirut. Only when one lives in Afghanistan does Beirut seem like a suitable vacation desitination.
On the plus side, I'm just back from a lovely few days in sunny Beirut. Only when one lives in Afghanistan does Beirut seem like a suitable vacation desitination.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Out of Office?
In the last several days, I've been sending out a bunch of emails to various people, mostly those with whom I have not been sufficiently diligent in maintaining contact.*
*Note the minor self-flagellation there. However, let me point out that this is a two-way street. What, did most of you forget how to type? Is there some sort of massive US-wide internet failure that I'm not aware of? I get a better response time from the people I know in Beirut and Singapore (you know who you are).
Anyway, here's the thing: four times in the last 24 hours, I have received automated replies stating that the recipient is "out of the office until....." some particular date. Must be nice. I expect this sort of irregular work schedule from Europe, but not from the U.S. Aren't we supposed to be the hard-working ones?
With all this downtime, if anyone has some uncommitted vacation time, I'm hoping to be in Beirut around the end of the month, or perhaps early in June. Perhaps someone would care to join me? I know, Beirut is not exactly a prime tourist destination, but it's supposed to be better than most people think.
I hear the Lebanese have got this rebuilding thing down. Every few years, the Israelis blow it up, and then the Lebanese rebuild it better than before. Then the Israelis come back and it starts all over again. Nice symbiotic relationship they've developed.
So, any takers?
*Note the minor self-flagellation there. However, let me point out that this is a two-way street. What, did most of you forget how to type? Is there some sort of massive US-wide internet failure that I'm not aware of? I get a better response time from the people I know in Beirut and Singapore (you know who you are).
Anyway, here's the thing: four times in the last 24 hours, I have received automated replies stating that the recipient is "out of the office until....." some particular date. Must be nice. I expect this sort of irregular work schedule from Europe, but not from the U.S. Aren't we supposed to be the hard-working ones?
With all this downtime, if anyone has some uncommitted vacation time, I'm hoping to be in Beirut around the end of the month, or perhaps early in June. Perhaps someone would care to join me? I know, Beirut is not exactly a prime tourist destination, but it's supposed to be better than most people think.
I hear the Lebanese have got this rebuilding thing down. Every few years, the Israelis blow it up, and then the Lebanese rebuild it better than before. Then the Israelis come back and it starts all over again. Nice symbiotic relationship they've developed.
So, any takers?
Afghan TV, Part 2
I share my office at the company compound with the deputy president of the company. Between the two of us, we pretty much manage the entire operation. In addition, the office has three couches in it, so it does double-duty as a sort of ersatz conference room. This makes for a near constant stream of people coming in and out.
Part of the reason my office is so popular is that it has satellite TV. Admittedly, we only get one channel on the primary dish and that's BBC World. However, when the Boss is away, we've been known to switch to the secondary dish which allows us access to the full range of wondrous televisual excellence of Afghanistan, Pakistan, India, UAE and occasionally Tajikistan.*
*If you haven't yet had the opportunity to watch a couple of hours of Tajik music videos, let me recommend that you avoid the experience.
This cornucopia of broadcast options means that much of the staff stops in at least once a day, just to check on what we're watching. This can lead to some rather interesting occurences.
For instance, our staff runs the theological gamut from secular nationalists to devout until-recently-Taliban fundamentalists. When one of the fundamentalists has the misfortune to wander in during a Tajik music video marathon, the reaction can be priceless. Sometimes, they simply refuse to watch scantily-dressed Tajik girls performing non-traditional dances, even going so far as to face the wall rather than leave and admit Koranic defeat. More often however, they will sit enraptured by images that, although tame by the standards of MTV, are light-years beyond what they're used to seeing.
*They usually act guilty for the next three days after this. I suspect they're doing whatever it is Muslims do as pennance for sins.
Or, sometimes they'll catch a report on the BBC or Al Jazeera about the latest American pronouncement or ISAF policy change. This inevitably triggers a discussion about what the news really means, a discussion that rapidly descends into farcical conspiracy theories. Afghans are great lovers of conspiracy theories, especially when they involve American plans for world domination, Afghan politicians in league with "foreign" interests or Pakistani spies influencing events in the highest circles. Eventually, every news story is explained by reference to one of these elements.
*I recently was witness to a long-winded, vocal debate about the building of schools by ISAF Provincial Reconstruction Teams. It took over half an hour, but eventually the conclusion was reached that the schools were 1) secret training facilities for Pakistani infiltrators 2) aiming to co-opt Afghan politicians so that 3) America could take over Afghanistan and steal their oil.** An Afghan conspiracy trifecta!
**This is another long-running conspiracy theory that is popular here, that Afghanistan has oil and the sole purpose of NATO and ISAF is to secure the wells and suck the country dry. Never mind the fact that Afghanistan has NEVER had significant oil reserves, and that the last geological survey was carried out by the Soviets in 1976, and even that failed to find anything worth stealing.
However, quite simply the oddest thing I've seen here in relation to Afghan TV happened the other day. I returned from a meeting at the Ministry of Interior to find four of our senior staff* sitting on the couches, mesmerized by TV. Not a word was being spoken by any of them, nor a single movement made. Even the cigarettes were being left to burn themselves out in the ashtrays.
*I should point out that this group included a former ANA general, two former colonels and a recently-retired district police commander. Even given how freely they pass out titles in this country, this was a pretty high-powered group.
And what, you might ask, would command this level of attention? What program could have positively riveted to the screen? It was nothing other than.......Bob the Builder. Complete with Dari-language voice-overs.
Now, I don't have any kids myself, but I've spent enough time with the children of friends and my nephew to be familiar with Bob the Builder. I'm pretty sure I'd even seen that episode before. As kids shows go, it's not bad viewing, mildly educational and just colorful enough to absorb their attention. I'll even admit to drifting into a inanity-induced coma the few times I've been required to sit through it. But I never would have guessed that friendly, handy Bob would mesmerize these guys like it had. They had the same slack-jawed, wide-eyed fascination that your average American three-year old would have.
But wait, it gets better. Bob the Builder ends and, without missing a beat, the next show starts and it's..........Thomas the Tank Engine. I shit you not. Once again, no one moves, no one speaks, except for myself sitting quietly behind my desk and chuckling.
I wonder if ISAF could use this type of programming in some sort of psychological warfare? Threaten to cut off broadcasts of American kids shows unless they stop blowing stuff up, or maybe provide free TVs and satellite dishes to all insurgents in an effort to pacify the countryside. Worth a try, since what we're doing now obviously isn't working.
Part of the reason my office is so popular is that it has satellite TV. Admittedly, we only get one channel on the primary dish and that's BBC World. However, when the Boss is away, we've been known to switch to the secondary dish which allows us access to the full range of wondrous televisual excellence of Afghanistan, Pakistan, India, UAE and occasionally Tajikistan.*
*If you haven't yet had the opportunity to watch a couple of hours of Tajik music videos, let me recommend that you avoid the experience.
This cornucopia of broadcast options means that much of the staff stops in at least once a day, just to check on what we're watching. This can lead to some rather interesting occurences.
For instance, our staff runs the theological gamut from secular nationalists to devout until-recently-Taliban fundamentalists. When one of the fundamentalists has the misfortune to wander in during a Tajik music video marathon, the reaction can be priceless. Sometimes, they simply refuse to watch scantily-dressed Tajik girls performing non-traditional dances, even going so far as to face the wall rather than leave and admit Koranic defeat. More often however, they will sit enraptured by images that, although tame by the standards of MTV, are light-years beyond what they're used to seeing.
*They usually act guilty for the next three days after this. I suspect they're doing whatever it is Muslims do as pennance for sins.
Or, sometimes they'll catch a report on the BBC or Al Jazeera about the latest American pronouncement or ISAF policy change. This inevitably triggers a discussion about what the news really means, a discussion that rapidly descends into farcical conspiracy theories. Afghans are great lovers of conspiracy theories, especially when they involve American plans for world domination, Afghan politicians in league with "foreign" interests or Pakistani spies influencing events in the highest circles. Eventually, every news story is explained by reference to one of these elements.
*I recently was witness to a long-winded, vocal debate about the building of schools by ISAF Provincial Reconstruction Teams. It took over half an hour, but eventually the conclusion was reached that the schools were 1) secret training facilities for Pakistani infiltrators 2) aiming to co-opt Afghan politicians so that 3) America could take over Afghanistan and steal their oil.** An Afghan conspiracy trifecta!
**This is another long-running conspiracy theory that is popular here, that Afghanistan has oil and the sole purpose of NATO and ISAF is to secure the wells and suck the country dry. Never mind the fact that Afghanistan has NEVER had significant oil reserves, and that the last geological survey was carried out by the Soviets in 1976, and even that failed to find anything worth stealing.
However, quite simply the oddest thing I've seen here in relation to Afghan TV happened the other day. I returned from a meeting at the Ministry of Interior to find four of our senior staff* sitting on the couches, mesmerized by TV. Not a word was being spoken by any of them, nor a single movement made. Even the cigarettes were being left to burn themselves out in the ashtrays.
*I should point out that this group included a former ANA general, two former colonels and a recently-retired district police commander. Even given how freely they pass out titles in this country, this was a pretty high-powered group.
And what, you might ask, would command this level of attention? What program could have positively riveted to the screen? It was nothing other than.......Bob the Builder. Complete with Dari-language voice-overs.
Now, I don't have any kids myself, but I've spent enough time with the children of friends and my nephew to be familiar with Bob the Builder. I'm pretty sure I'd even seen that episode before. As kids shows go, it's not bad viewing, mildly educational and just colorful enough to absorb their attention. I'll even admit to drifting into a inanity-induced coma the few times I've been required to sit through it. But I never would have guessed that friendly, handy Bob would mesmerize these guys like it had. They had the same slack-jawed, wide-eyed fascination that your average American three-year old would have.
But wait, it gets better. Bob the Builder ends and, without missing a beat, the next show starts and it's..........Thomas the Tank Engine. I shit you not. Once again, no one moves, no one speaks, except for myself sitting quietly behind my desk and chuckling.
I wonder if ISAF could use this type of programming in some sort of psychological warfare? Threaten to cut off broadcasts of American kids shows unless they stop blowing stuff up, or maybe provide free TVs and satellite dishes to all insurgents in an effort to pacify the countryside. Worth a try, since what we're doing now obviously isn't working.
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