100th Post

After almost a year here, I've reached 100 posts on this blog. I was going to mark the occasion with a celebratory post, perhaps a retrospective or something else suitable. However, it's panj shanbe (Thursday), which is basically Friday night in Afghanistan (no work tomorrow), and I'm too tired and too bitter to write anything entertaining, or even relevant.

Instead, I'm just going to put on some late 70's music (Journey, Styx, Foreigner, etc.), get good and drunk and hope that the percentage of brake fluid in the bootleg whisky is lower than usual.

The Worst Job in Afghanistan

No, not mine, although it sometimes seems like it.

And not the ANP either, although I'm sure they think so every time they hit an IED or an ambush. I'm talking about these guys:

I have no idea what they're called in Dari/Farsi, but I refer to them as "ditch men." They're the guys who, for roughly $80 USD a month, get the charming job of scooping, scraping and sucking the stuff out of the drainage ditchs that line most major streets in Kabul.

In theory, the ditches are designed as a kind of stormwater drainage system to channel away rain water and keep the city from flooding. This, I suppose, they accomplish to a limited degree. Apparently, no one told the city engineers that in order for the ditches to function properly, the water has to first get into the ditch, which is unlikely when the streets are generally composed of hardpacked dirt. The fact that the concrete lip of the ditch is usually higher than the rutted track of the street doesn't help either. The swill they have to dredge out of these channels* is not only water and dirt. These things also serve as the preferred repository for any and all sorts of trash that Kabulis might wish to dispose of rapidly.

*With shovels and scoops, I might add.

In addition, and this is the really charming part, the primitive nature of Kabul's sewage treatment facilities and domestic plumbing arrangements mean that the mix is fortified by waste that should otherwise be chemically treated and buried somewhere.* Thus the traditional Kabul cocktail.

*Yeah, you know what I'm talking about here, right? No need for further details, I hope.

I've even seen dead dogs floating in these channels. And not freshly dead either. I suppose the dead cats just sink to the bottom.

The whole putrid mess mostly just sits there, alternating between slowly draining away and bubbling in the sun. Every once in a while, the ditch men come by and invest heroic efforts in trying to keep the channels clear. This they do, if it wasn't clear already, by hand. With a scoop.

And then they shovel the stuff into nylon bags (which are not leak-resistant) and load it into trucks to take somewhere I hope I never see.

No fancy equipment for these guys. They load those leaky bags of foul muck with their own two hands.

Yeah, you win. Your job is worse than mine.

Not a dove, but......

Word from the BBC that a member of the Wildlife Conservation Society has discovered a breeding ground for the rare species of warbler (it's a bird, I think) in a "remote corner of Afghanistan."* Probably Nimroz Province in the southwest part of the country, but they don't say for sure.

*Somewhat ironic to describe any part of this country as "remote." Is there a part that isn't remote? The whole damn place is disconnected from the rest of the world in all sorts of ways. To qualify as "remote" here, you really have to be out there in the boonies. Not for nothing do people refer to Afghanistan as "the 12th century, with cellphones."

By far the best part of the article is the conclusion:

While the scientists are excited by the discovery, they are concerned about the long-term survival of these birds.
Ironically the ongoing war and the remoteness of their location have helped their survival - but according to Mr Timmins, this might change.
"We don't wish a war-like situation on anybody. But once peace comes and development starts, you really do have to think about
what will happen to the natural environment," he said.

Yeah, like "peace" and "development" are coming here anytime soon. I think your precious birds are safe for a while longer.

Besides, if the price for some decent jobs and a functioning economy is that geeks from the WCS can no longer find birds that they thought were extinct, then that's a price I'm willing to pay.

Reinforcements

First the Finns, and now the Germans.

Finland announced that it's sending an additional 50 soldiers to bolster their already-impressive contingent of 120 troops on the ground.

Not to be outdone by the last country to give the Russians a right good kicking, Chancellor Angela Merkel of Germany announced that they were sending an additional 500 troops to increase their total in Afghanistan to somewhere around 4800.

Guess we'll need to open some new supply lines to the north to move all that extra beer. Won't need to move any ammunition, since the Germans and the Finns aren't allowed to shoot anybody anyway.

Things That Go "Boom!"

Another car bomb today in Kabul, this time on the Jalalabad Road out near Camp Phoenix. At least half a dozen wounded, but no word yet on how many killed. Apparently, it was a minivan packed with ammonium nitrate fertilizer.*

*This is the stuff recently banned by the Afghan government, as it is way more useful for making IEDs than it is for actual farming. The same stuff used in the Oklahoma City bombings. New slogan for agribusiness companies: "Ammonium Nitrate! The preferred fertilizer of redneck assholes around the world!" Most farmers here don't use it anyway, preferring more traditional methods. Nevertheless, thousands of tons of the stuff is imported from Pakistan every year. Guess we know where most of it is going.

Two of our clients were in the area, returning to their residential compound after a meeting. Rolled up to the gate a few minutes after it went off (nice timing), and they said the Gurkhas on the ECP were spooked. Must have been a big one if even the Nepalese are spooked. Then again, it's their job to search the cars, so a boom like that would tend to remind one of the occupational hazards.

Breakfast

Generally speaking, I don't eat breakfast in Afghanistan.* I might scarf down a piece of fruit, or perhaps some yogurt (don't get me started on what passes for Afghan yogurt), but that's about it. Very occasionally (preferably when I don't have anything to do before noon), I'll have some oatmeal.

*Truth be told, I've never been much of a breakfast person. Probably has something to do with an excess of alcohol the night before, and the ability of cigarettes to curtail one's appetite.

However, once or twice a week, I ask my chai-bacha to bring some bulani in the morning.

*Chai-bacha is a Dari word that I basically made up. A combination of "chai" (tea) and "bacha" (boy). Doesn't actually exist in Dari, although it does seem to be catching on. Literally translated, it's "tea boy" meaning the guy who makes tea. But Jamshid, my chai-bacha, is actually way more useful than that. He's the cleaner, the gopher, the all-around assistant for anything that might come up. A more accurate English translation would be the Wodehousian "gentleman's gentleman."

Bulani is a simple, yet marvelous version of the potatoe pancake. Essentially, it's mashed potatoes fried in a pan with oil, and it looks something like this:

Heavy on the starch and the cholesterol, and somewhat burdensome first thing in the morning, but nevertheless a proper breakfast on a cold morning. The key, of course, is the recourse to the Tabasco Sauce and Chili Garlic sauce, which adds a bit of spice to the morning and clears the sinuses. Honey works too.

Next, the crazy, nauseating, absolutely wonderful mix that is an Afghan "burger."

Random Afghan TV Fact of the Day

Having spent a fair amount of time in the UK, I'm familiar with the breadth and depth of British humor. Some of it appeals to me (i.e. Monty Python, Coupling, Yes, Minister); much of it (Fawlty Towers, Blackadder) leaves me unimpressed, and some of it (Are You Being Served?, Keeping Up Appearances) is downright awful.

That said, I've always been baffled by the international appeal of this guy. He's quite the institution in the UK, wildly popular in France and hardly unknown in the US. Now I can confirm that, although he's not a household name here, he certainly has the ability to make a roomful of Afghans giggle like schoolgirls. And I'm talking adult male Afghans, men of serious demeanor and professional bearing. A former General and a serving Colonel in the bunch, and they were all about to piss themselves at the antics of the funnyman and his little yellow car. Perhaps it's the nonverbal style, perhaps it's the funny faces, I don't know.

I confess that although I don't generally find him funny, he's a lot funnier when everyone around you is laughing too. Guess I'll have to add Mr. Bean to the list along with Bob the Builder as TV personalities that Afghans can't get enough of.