Stopover in Dubai

After a couple of weeks off, I'm finally enroute back to Kabul. Had to kick-back for a day in a nice hotel in Dubai, waiting for the Afghan consulate to figure out a way to screw up the new visa rules.*

*The consular staff had become quite adept at screwing up the old visa rules, so the new requirements from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs disrupted their archaic (and profitable) system. It'll be a few weeks before they figure out how to squeeze bribes out of the new system. Even the normally remarkably adept Afghan criminal bureacracy has an adjustment period.

Not that I'm complaining about another night in Dubai. There are worse places to spend a night, like.........Somalia? OK, there probably aren't too many worse places to spend an extra day. At least Somalia would be interesting and not nearly as expensive.

Prior to Dubai, I spent some time in Vegas, DC and London, as well as few days with the family in the Midwest. All in all, a very relaxing and beneficial trip, although between the poker tables in Vegas and the W Hotel in DC, I pissed through about two months pay. Hey, that's what money's for, right?

Back to A-stan this afternoon to begin to get dug out from those things which almost-certainly were neglected while I was away and try to put out the fires. Seems I've missed a couple of active weeks as the spring campaign season kicks into high gear.

A long list of posts coming in the next couple of weeks as I get caught up on all the things going on in-country and highlight a few things from the other Afghanistan-focused blogs and sites.

Saigon, UAE

A few people refused to allow my recent birthday to pass by unnoticed, as is my long-standing preference.* I received a string of well-wishes via email and Skype while I was in Dubai, which ably served to remind me that after nearly four decades on this planet, I have managed to accomplish precisely zero of the aspirations that I once had.

*To those of you did manage to resist the urge to point out how old I am, thanks.**
**To those of you who simply neglected to mention it, or were entirely unaware of it in the first place, or were completely aware and consciously choose not to bring it up, thank you too.

Birthdays are one of those elements of life that suffers severely from the law of diminishing returns. The first three or four are great fun for the parents and assorted relatives, the next fifteen or so are a personal cause for celebration, and then they become progressively less enjoyable as time goes by. Around the middle of fourth decade, the floor drops out and the enjoyment quotient diminishes rapidly.*

*I’m not sure, but I suspect the trajectory of the birthday Laffer curve is heavily influenced by one’s personal circumstances at the time of said event. Nevertheless, there is a distinct downward trendline after the early thirties.

On this particular birthday, I elected to remain for an extra day in Dubai at the luxury hotel where we had just concluded our latest board meeting. If I have to endure another birthday, I might as well do it in decent surroundings.

As any experienced traveler knows, even the nicest hotels (and this was one of them) can lose much of their value when one is alone and without entertainment or activities. Cable TV (especially the Dubai version) and air conditioning are nice, but only suffice to distract one from the fact that there’s nothing else to do.

So, I found myself in the hotel bar at midnight, sipping whiskey and watching the odd crowd that congregates in hotel bars late at night.*

*I am a HUGE fan of hotel bars, by the way. The nice ones are REALLY nice, with top-notch service, professional barmen and a pleasant, relaxed ambiance. The dodgy ones are unrivaled places for mixing with the down-and-out and the generally disreputable. The ones in the middle, at the true businessman’s hotels, are usually the best, combining elements of the high-end places (good service, good drinks) and the dives (interesting people, weird conversations).

As usual in Dubai hotel-bars, there was imported entertainment. I can now conclusively state that one hasn’t lived until one has witness a trio of attractive expatriate Filipino ladies, clad in purple sequined cocktail dresses and thigh-high white vinyl boots, belting out an off-key rendition of the Nancy Sinatra classic “These Boots Are Made for Walkin’” to an international crowd who couldn’t appear more indifferent if they were dead. If the drinks were cheaper, I would have thought it was Saigon in ’68.

General Order No. 1

The infamous General Order No. 1 is the DoD rule that prohibits US personnel serving in Afghanistan from indulging in certain vices which are both endemic to military personnel and haram under Islamic law. Chief among these are alcohol, pornography and gambling.

Needless to say, the ban on alcohol is not popular, and not all countries in ISAF enforce it. Some European nations have their own version of the rule, which is equally unpopular. The Norwegians in particular have instituted a ban on alcohol among their troops, and importantly on any troops serving under Norwegian command. The fragmented nature of the ISAF command structure means that lots of troops from smaller countries serve under the regional command of the larger contributors.

Hence the problem. The Finns have a small detachment up north under Norwegian command who are now subject to the alcohol ban. Anyone who know Finns knows that denying them their daily ration of booze is a sure-fire way to stimulate dissent.* No different in this case. The Finns are very attached to their time-honored "Two Can Rule." The story is here (if you read Finnish, which I don't).

*Full disclosure: my mother's family are Finns, so I'm passingly familiar with the native fondness for alcohol. Some might even say that the Finnish side of my heritage is overrepresented in my personal behaviour.

Personally, my experience is that the Finns are a lot more likely to fight if you give them a little booze. Otherwise they just lapse into their natural depressive state.

h/t to Jari.